Why Not Grooming Matters

Grooming 1

Written by Sophie

Daddy Issues/ Leisure

Art by Coco

If you’re like “meh, not sure if that whole feminism thing is for me, but I really hate showering”, boy do I have some good news for you. Feminism is a broad church and even if you’re a disgusting half-cat person like myself, feminists will welcome you into the fold with open arms.

Because the days of having to be super glamorous all the time just to prove you’re a feminist but don’t hate men are gone. Which is nice! Because while I’m very into feminists who are all “femininity and feminism shouldn’t be opposed and if I want to rock a pair of stilettos, a manicure and a sleek blowdry, those are my choices” I still find the zero-grooming movement exciting & subversive.

Yup, it’s all over the Worldwide Web. You’ve found it on tumblr, you’ve seen it on Instagram, you’ve bookmarked that page on The Hairpin. But it doesn’t just exist in our collective digital hive minds. I’m in East Germany for the summer because why not and there’s an unusually high concentration of girls giving zero fucks with shaved heads. From www to reality: this thing is blowing up. So, why should you care?

Because it’s a way of flipping the bird at the classic misogynist perception of feminists

Y’know. The whole “feminists are fat grossos with underarm hair and no bras”. Like 40% of Reddit trolls. By embracing gross girl feminism, feminists are reinforcing the fact that misogyny has no influence in how the women’s movement should be run. We’re positioning ourselves as humans rather than cute dogs in a best in show approach to beauty.

No, no. I’m not calling women dogs. I’m doing a thing. A metaphor. I’ve fucked it up, but you get the vibe I’m exuding, right? If Jonah Hill and Jack Black get to be perceived as fun-loving chillers simply because they don’t hit the gym/shave every day, why not women, too? I’m at least half as fun as Jack Black. Would I be more fun with a beard? Maybe. Am I capable of growing one? Nope. If I grow my leg hair out, will someone let me do School of Rock 2? Probably not. This is a travesty.

Grooming 2

Because beauty is labour

I’m not shitting on your beauty routine. I like executing a perfect cat’s eye flick as much as the next humanoid in 2016. Haircuts are fun, esp. if you go to those fancy salons in London where you get to suck down one cocktail after another at the same time, resulting in you giving an insane fifty pound tip because you were too drunk and thought it was a fiver.

But if you’ve read The Beauty Myth, you’ll know despite the dubious statistics, Wolf makes a good point: we’re being distracted from the stuff that matters and consistently undermined by focusing too much on body image. In 2016, there’s so much more other stuff we should be freaking out over. Stop fuelling your self-loathing by browsing #squatspo and go read a newspaper. The world is crumbling. The least we can do is pay attention.

Because showering too much IS BAD FOR YOU

OK, this is a little sad, because especially in #freelancelyf a shower serves the wonderful function of giving your loose baggy monster of a day some structure. But apparently we should only be showering once a week. This is just a fact. This is just science. Also, I guess why deodorant exists?

Because the aesthetic isn’t unappealing

Not exactly an incisive political point, but LBR, so much of the aesthetic looks good (yeah, OK, aside from the creepy photoshopped-out nipples). Dark roots/blonde hair; underarm air; shaved heads…these aren’t visually unappealing looks.

So women of the world, do your thing. I’m not saying throw away your lipstick if that’s the pulsing pleasure centre of your universe. But if you feel like mixing it up a bit, challenging the patriarchy and saving your time and chill, limited grooming could well be the answer. Say yes to that half an hour of added lie-in time, say yes to the revolution of sheer grooming laziness.


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