Moving To Berlin Won’t Solve Any Of Your Problems—But Don’t Let That Stop You From Doing It

Written by Kemi

Leisure

Art by Coco

Myth #1: Berlin is like sooo cheap! Literally everyone I know lives in a palace and basically for free. Everything is just so reasonably priced there, I’ll be putting aside money in no time.

LOL! Berlin’s housing market is pretty fucked up. You might have some friends who are living the dream, but the days of cheap rent are long gone. Unless you’re willing to spend big bucks, you better wake up to the fact that you won’t be able to live in an airy Freunde von Freunden style dream apartment by yourself and start looking for an overpriced room in an underwhelming flatshare — having said that, an “overpriced” room for €600 is probably still a massive bargain for hopeful turbocapitalism migrants.

Myth #2: Berlin’s nightlife is amazing, and sooo cheap!

Ha! Berlin’s nightlife is still intact, but the days when the city was a cheap destination where people could enter clubs for a fiver, become part of the furniture for the next 5 days there — while spending next to nothing and having an EPIC time with the coolest crowd EVER — are definitely over. There are still plenty of good places to go to, but they are either amazing or cheap, never both. A proper weekend bender can easily set you back by a couple of hundred €€ — or maybe I just hang out with the wrong crowd. 

Myth #3: Eating out in Berlin is sooo cheap!

Of course there are still some places that offer amazing quality for money. You can get a delicious, healthy meal for a fiver — but you can also get food poisoning for a fiver. It’s hit and miss and more often than not you’ll probably come across food that’s a bit underwhelming, has been served at a snail’s pace and with a ton of attitude. Like in every other city, quality food comes at a price and in Berlin that price is just as high as everywhere else.

Myth #4: People in Berlin really have their work-life balance sorted out

Pffft! There was a time when most of my friends were “in between jobs” and funded their drinks by collecting empty glasses and bottles at parties. These days everyone enjoys unlimited quantities of free craft beer and organic wine courtesy of their uber edgy startup office – and let’s not forget the best coffee in town. Having said that, 4-day-weeks, even 3-day-weeks are a reality here, and on top of that Berlin boasts an OK amount of bank holidays, so it’s not all bad.

Myth #5: Germans are known for their efficiency, you can tell that because in Berlin everything just works

LOLOLOLOL! As a friend rightly put it: German efficiency is a myth. Only sadists can find any satisfaction in dealing with power-tripping, misanthropic public servants and the farce that is German bureaucracy.

Myth #6: A dirty weekend in Berlin will help me deal with my problematic life situation

Absolutely right! If a fried brain and casual sex is what you consider a solution, then book your one-way ticket ASAP.