Dating Myself

Conversations Since I Began Dating Myself

Written by Claudia Turner


Art by Coco

Me: you’re making me nervous

Me: doesn’t everything make you nervous?

Me: so what

Me: do you want to get ice cream?
Me: I’d love to

Me: here, let me get the door
Me: oh thank you

Me: you look stunning
Me: *blush* stop it

Me: why’re you so weird?
Me: why’re you talking to me?

Me: being sweet

Me: what’s this all about?

Me: it’s your day off, ready to do something fun?
Me: no

Me: I just want someone who loves me unconditionally every day for the rest of my life 
Me: that is utterly ridiculous

Me: you worry too much 
Me: no I don’t, why do you think that? what did I say for you to think that? what does that mean anyway? what?

Me: I’ve never been on a hot air balloon 
Me: who cares, why are you talking?

Me: how are you?
Me: I’m sick of talking about myself

Me: I’m kind of tired, tomorrow?
Me: hmm idk I’m probably tired tomorrow

Me: very serious all the time

Me: my feet smell like pineapple. here, smell.

Me: it hurts my feelings 
Me: what?
Me: everything

Me: does something
Me: ugh what a dork, stop

Me: does something else
Me: OMG you’re the worst

Me: I’m sorry I’ve flirted with all of your friends at some point 
Me: me too

Me: I like you 
Me [an hour later]: jk I don’t like you, I never liked you, liking you would be fucking stupid

Me: tell me I’m pretty
Me: I’d fuck you


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