Being Vigilant Around Pejorative Colloquialisations or What to Feed Your Puppy

By Joe Gelman

Daddy Issues

Art by Coco

So, this is the new normal. Under lockdown, we wear our masks, wash our hands, and scroll the days away while waiting for Miss Rona to see herself out. But there’s no need to be lonely while alone: DADDY is putting the social in social distancing for our QUARANTINE issue. 

Let’s face it – language matters. The way you speak influences the way you think; the way you think influences the way you speak. So when I was out with my friend Steve walking our puppies and he used ‘jew’ as a verb, I couldn’t help but notice. 

“My gardener really jewed me out of the bill. He charged me almost double after it was done.”

At this point, I’ve heard all kinds of anti-semitism, whether it’s explicit, implicit, metaphorical – you name it. There was something about that particular time that was so surreal though. The setting sun with a little bit of fog rolling into Golden Gate Park, our puppies chasing down falling leaves, children in the grass, and then this horrible use of language. So, of course my biggest concern was really what any rational person’s would be.

I was terrified

… of Nazi puppies. Steve was completely unaware that the language he was using was not only shaping his own thoughts, but the thoughts and language of our puppies! Unequivocally the cutest type of Nazi, puppy Nazis can use their pink button noses and tiny tiny squeezable paws to be the most effective and persuasive Nazis ever – it’s been an ongoing fear of every jew out there. Imagine… you’d awwww as they close the barbed wire fence of your concentration camp, reach out for a cuddle as they pull the switch on your gas chamber. Shit, a few Nazi puppy chihuahuas could convince the entire nation of Israel to stick their head in the sand and take a deep breath.

 So to reiterate, language is important. That day I corrected Steve in hopes that correcting his language would help correct his thoughts and vice versa. Remember that being silent is being complicit – you never know when a puppy is listening absconded in a posh woman’s purse. Let’s be better in the language of our mouths and the language in our heads because, of course, the two are inextricably linked. Let’s put an end to both harmless-seeming, everyday toxic language and tiny, furry, adorable jew-haters forever.