DR DADDY: ON THE COUCH WITH DADDY MANNY — #UBEREVERYWHERE, SCATTY BOTTOMS & HAPPY SINGLES
Looking for #shade-free answers to real life issues?
Email Dr Manny — because life sucks without love, sex and attention: email@example.com
Dear Dr DADDY, I’m fed up of people making me feel like a freak because I’m over 40 and never had a boyfriend. Every time this conversation comes up, people give me this ‘I don’t understand, are you okay?’ look. ‘Fortunately, I’m very happy being single, thank you very much’. I’m not against having a relationship – I simply haven’t met anyone that I like. Pieter (40)
Exactly, you are happily single and open to new experiences, which is a positive approach to life and as legitimate as someone who has ‘in a relationship/attached/married/seeing someone’ status tattooed all over their face. Social recognition enforces the view that an integral part of ‘life achievements’ apart from the usual (status-driven career, material independence, owning a house or renting whatever the fuck you want) reside in finding someone to ‘share your life with’.
Unfortunately, we still live in a society based on the institution of marriage due to the social angst of reproduction led by the fear of needing younger people to look after our brittle bones. This leads to the idea that a commitment to another human needs to be celebrated and looked upon favourably despite the sheer unhappiness this causes in the name of stability, commitment, respect, for better for worse etc… The people who are responding to you in such a manner are exploiting the power based on the social recognition relationships have to justify their life choices i.e. they’re in a miserable relationship or were in one they massively regret.
So what if you have never had a relationship? You’re open to new experiences, which is the most important thing. You have a lot of time left on Planet Earth to have one, and yes a good, healthy, relationship which you can identify with and feel fulfilled, and not just one to keep your Instagram going. Next time you’re in this situation, DADDY urges you to shut that bitch down before they can even give you that look by celebrating your single status as an achievement. Nobody should make you feel like a freak for living your life according to your emotional needs. Being single and emotionally unattached is beautiful. Trust me the world would be a better place if more people embraced singledom positively.
Dear Dr DADDY, I love my friend and I know she’s broke but I’m really sick of her princess behaviour. She always asks me to call an ‘Uber’ after hanging out (but rarely pays me back) as she can’t be bothered to get public transport. I really want to tell her how frustrated I am, but don’t know how. What would should I do? Jason (27)
Have some empathy. Who around you doesn’t have an Uber fuelled lifestyle? Not being able to afford an Uber anywhere after 7pm or after coming back from a party at whatever time is something a lot of people cannot comprehend. We are an entitled generation : it’s morally okay to get an Uber for a short ride as it’s just a bit more than public transport and an Uber isn’t really a taxi, it’s an Uber. If you don’t want to show her the bus stop, I suggest you lose her in a club with ‘I went to the toilet and then couldn’t see you’ club classic. Alternatively, quote the bitch*:“A man who, beyond the age of 26, finds himself on a bus can count himself a failure.” *Thatcher, 1986.
Dear Dr DADDY, every single time I have sex I feel that I’m going to get an STI. What should I do? Tarik (26)
You live in Berlin. What do you expect?
Dear Dr DADDY, I’m worried I’ve got a reputation as ‘scatty bottom’ on the scene. Usually when I have sex it’s always really embarrassing as the guy always pull out cause of the smell or cause ‘something doesn’t feel right’. The situation got worse, after a friend of mine told me to douche. I did it at a guy’s house who I had gone on some dates with, but I think I did it wrong as what followed was a big mess. I’m now mortified as I haven’t heard from the guy and haven’t had sex since 😕 Leo (21)
You’re just 21 and have a long life to master the skill of anal-sex-prep. Believe me, there’s no need to be embarrassed – this is every anal-sex-loving-person’s nightmare! From what you’re describing it sounds like you might have ‘over-douched’. I would suggest you use less water is more in order to obtain the desired effect. If he hasn’t got back to you it just shows that he’s cleared messed up in the head with self-hatred. Anal sex is by its very nature messy. If he can’t take it, he can go without.
Written by: DADDY Manny
Image by: Coco