As a woman, I’m sure you sometimes wonder, “What can I, a woman, do outside of the kitchen?” It’s a daunting question, and one we can hardly manage to ask between the sweet potato soufflé and kale puttanesca. But it is an important question nonetheless and one I, a woman who has left her kitchen from time to time, am willing to tackle.
As a woman I think it’s necessary to remember what exists for us outside of the kitchen. When we leave this space of humming fluorescent lights and milk dew shelf tops, what will we discover? Instead of bread there will be fierce conversations and instead of paleo recipe books there will be angry drivers. Where do we women come in?
I recommend you visit the dog park. This is a place where you can comfortably hide behind your dog if you lack conversation skills outside of food – and everyone respects a dog, if not a woman. Give your dog a spiked collar for spontaneous laughs.
Go to the grocery store. This is a great place for women. There is food for one. And when you drop an apple on the ground a reliable gentleman will probably put it back in your cart and offer to carry your groceries to the car while explaining how to find a good apple.
Never go to the arcade. That is only for man boys with bad hair and pinball wizards. If you want to play games go to the coffee shop and twirl your hair. Start up a conversation about lattes. Maybe the cute guy will buy you a croissant.
My most glamorous friend once stated “Babe, I don’t do winters. I follow the sun.” I was on my deathbed, trying to survive a flu from hell when she dropped that totally useless piece of information but every winter since I’ve asked myself: Why don’t I follow the sun? Why am I incapable of figuring out how to swerve this pointless season altogether?
Let’s face it, winter is a horrendous time. Being able to wear jumpers and going for walks in the crisp subzero temperatures does absolutely nothing for my wellbeing, and don’t even get me started on winter sports. There are, however, a few things that can make this godawful season somewhat bearable.