The One Where You Graduated And Life Became A TV Show

daddylifebecameatvshow

Leisure

Art by Kemi Fatoba

 


What happens when a cohort of students, having been held captive in the benign bubble-wrap world of The Education System for nigh on two decades, is released en-masse into the real world? Drama, drama, drama. Just like TV. More specifically, just like in the show Friends. And, like the characters in the show, you’re young, photogenic and lost. Only you graduated in a recession and there’s no way your landlord is going to let you paint your walls any crazy colour that comes into your head, mainly because you don’t have a landlord, just a ruthless housing company. Still — here’s life post-education, a la Friends episode titles. Cliff-hangers guaranteed.

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The One Where You Accidentally Spend £250 On Macaroons

The One Where “Practical Criticism” Is More Self-Flagellation Than Iambic Pentameter

The One Where You Become A Sugar Baby For A Week Because Of All The Macaroons

The One Where You Sob Under A Bridge And All The Homeless People Laugh Because They Think You Are Laughing

The One Where Everyone Takes Too Many Drugs And The Squirrels Start Talking

The One Where You Accidentally Have A Threesome With Your Ex and Your Other Ex And It Turns Into A Sword Fight And In The Morning Your Housemate Messages You A Song Called Everything Is Embarrassing

The One Where Everyone Assumes You Can Support Yourself But In Reality You Can’t Afford Public Transport So You Sleep In A Bus Shelter Sometimes

The One Where You Come Out Of The Closet In A Closet

The One Where You Have Your Ex Committed

The One Where The Gap Between Life And The Things You Learned For The Tragedy Module Of Your Lit Degree Vanishes Almost Entirely

The One Where You Dance For 42 Hours Like Everyone Is Watching And Then Someone Uploads A Video On Facebook And Your Father Likes It

The One Where A Lifelong Feud Between Three Good Friends And Their Families Begins With An Empty Peanut Butter Jar And A Cryptic Post-It-Note

The One Where Lunch Is Five Almonds, Three Bubble Tea Bubbles, And A Thimble Of Carrot Soup

The One Where You Temporarily Relinquish All Sanity And Flee To Wales To Make Bunting With Your Best Friend’s Mother

The One Where You Temporarily Recover Some Sanity And Move To Another Country

 

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