Dr Daddy: On The Couch With Daddy Manny – Vegan Nightmares, White Privilege & Daddy Issues

Dr Daddy

Written by Daddy Manny

Dr Daddy

Art by Coco

Looking for #shade-free answers to real life issues?

Email Dr Manny — because life sucks without love, sex and attention: drmanny@daddy.land

 

Dear Dr DADDY, 

Where have you been? We’ve really missed you.

DADDY Magazine

 

Dearest Child,

Thank you for your patience.

Even Daddy Manny has his lows. I’m back and here for my children, so please keep me busy.  

Kiss

 

 

Dear Dr DADDY,

I’ve just come back from a Grindr date and had to write to you as I’m a bit freaked out. I always seem to go for guys that remind me of my dad.

Essentially, I have this image of my dad from how he was in the ‘70s in my head (tall, tanned, skinny and smiley) and feel like I’m particularly attracted to this physical type. Do you think I’m in love with my dad? We have a great relationship now but growing up I always felt he knew I was gay and couldn’t cope with the lack of connection between us.

Petros, 26

 

Dear Child,

I’m not surprised you’re having some daddy issues, your papa sounds delish!!

You have what’s pretty normal for gay men — a dose of father-son antagonism AKA ‘reverse-Oedipal complex’ where young boys become subconsciously sexually attracted to their fathers. It’s quite common that a father senses the sexual charge with their gay son, as he is socialized to be repelled by homosexuality. As a consequence, the father will sometimes disengage from his son (his fucking loss) – but from what you described it seems like you’ve overcome these difficulties, so stop freaking out and get some more action!

Kiss

 

 

Dear Dr DADDY,

I’m really disappointed with my best friend. We went on holiday and had a massive fall out about racial politics. I feel that as a white guy, he doesn’t understand the concept of ‘white privilege’ and how he has benefited from it throughout his life. He always tries to downplay my experiences of racism and implies I’m basically an angry, hate-filled, resentful person whenever I try to broach the topic.

I really love him but his ignorance is too much. FUCK HIM, honestly.

Ola, 32

 

Breathe (inhale deep and deeper and exhaaaaaaaaaaaaaale). You need to stay calm.

A lot of white people grow up in a bubble thinking (naively) that their beloved friends, neighbours and lovers of colour have the same opportunities that they do. Facts speak for themselves: hate crimes are on the up, endless discrimination is real, and so is white privilege. They don’t.

Perhaps discussing race makes people like your friend uncomfortable, as he doesn’t like to feel that he is a part of the problem. Concepts such as privilege are useful tools, as they allow academics and politicians to think about the structural issues being discussed. Individuals should also check their privilege and in doing so (one would hope) develop a deeper sense of empathy for the other. Discussing concepts such as white privilege is totally valid but it can make people defensive instead of starting a conversation. Education is key to solving this, so suggest some films, books for him to read up on the topic and inform himself on the current thinking on this issue. Try to make your friend an ally so that he can influence others around him.

Having said that, everyone has their own lived experience of the world. Anybody who tries to downplay your lived experience of racism falls into believing that most utopian of legal sentiments — “we are all equal under the law” — is reality, not wishful thinking. Your friend is wrong. Your experiences are valid and you shouldn’t have to defend what you’ve been through. Own it, share your thoughts.

P.S. The Vixen in ‘Untucked’ Season 10 episode 3, summarises it well.

Kiss

 

 

Dear Dr DADDY,

I have become friends with a real sweetie. 1:1, she’s funny, sweet and adorable. Socially however, she’s this overly-curated being which can only bring herself to say and wear the right thing 24/7. It’s exhausting!  Can’t she just be herself?

Sylvia, 21

 

Dearest Child,

She sounds like a beautiful, complex masterpiece. Work on her. I’m sure she’ll crack at some point and let her hair down …

 

Kiss

 

 

Dear Dr DADDY,

I can’t stop dreaming about meat!

My boyfriend and I became vegan last August after watching “the documentary”. At first it felt really empowering: it was a healthy choice which contributed to the wider good. Now it’s a bloody nightmare. My man has become super strict and won’t even entertain the thought of becoming veggie or mildly pescatarian. I’m really bad at following recipes and end up making lacklustre inedible meals. It’s really depressing me – apart from that I haven’t even lost any weight!

Emmanuel, 31.

 

Dear Child,

Sounds like an unhealthy nightmare.

Eating shouldn’t be stressful. Your body, your rules. Evidence shows that plant-based diets have many benefits, but it isn’t for everyone and shouldn’t be some new religion. If your boyfriend can’t cope with you quitting veganism for a less restrictive diet then shut him up with some human meat…

Sweet dreams

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