Dear Dr DADDY,
In the community ‘femmes’ are not put on a pedestal sexually like masc guys. Even though I have a lot of sex and guys love my peachy body, my soft voice and my tits, I still feel like I won’t be taken seriously as a sexual being if I don’t butch it up.
Insecurity gets people nowhere, so snap out of it! There’s enough of it and self-hatred in the ‘community’. You’re getting action being yourself, so embrace it. What needs to be put on a sexual pedestal are gays, queens with balls who are living their lives unapologetically.
Obviously, people are entitled to their preferences, but why do you need to contribute to this ‘masc4masc’ social cloning experiment? Since when is being ‘masc’ fun? It’s like, do you really want to be another skinny guy dressed all in black knowing that that’s your safest way to get into a club?
The problem with this rhetoric is that people tend to associate ‘masc’ with strength, assertion and dominance, when really what it means is conformism – confirming to an inherited take of the world which thankfully many gay individuals do not identify with and rebel against.
If this article hasn’t convinced you, I suggest you listen to ‘Beautiful’ by Frau Aguilera on repeat.
Dear Dr DADDY,
If I don’t identify as a male or female – how do I still participate in gay sex?
Has Trump already started defining the rules of gay sex?
Seriously, as a non-binary individual you have the right to participate in whatever reciprocal sexual act you like — your gender is important and should be respected but it shouldn’t limit the sex you feel comfortable with and enjoy. So please don’t waste your youth overanalysing what you have a right to do and what you don’t.
If you’re worried about making sex less gay – fear not. When women are in a darkroom, getting turned on by men fucking does that make it less ‘gay’ for all those involved? No, it doesn’t. Thankfully the rules of gay sex don’t belong to anyone.
The key to sex is a strong sexual connection, which is above the diktat of definitions and labels — it’s an invitation to get to know somebody irrespective of their gender and sex.
Now go and have (safe) fun!!
Dear Dr DADDY,
I started seeing a man who is bi but mainly hooked up with men in his past. I’m the first woman he’s been with in years and I keep getting jealous when he talks to his gay friends. I worry that he only wants me to have children and that he’ll eventually go back to being with men because there’s no way I can compete with what he experienced.
It’s normal to be jealous but don’t be irrational and flood your brain with ‘ifs’. Your man is bisexual: he’ll always be inclined both ways, so there’s always the chance that his next partner might be a man. It’s normal.
There’s no point stressing about things you can’t change. You don’t have a cock and you can’t change his past. Focus on what you can do – get to know his friends and get to know him. You’ve definitely got something he likes which is why he’s with you and if that leads to babies, why not?
Dear Dr DADDY,
I’ve recently started taking PrEP*, but sadly my sex life has never been worse. Should I stay on the pill? If so have you any tips on how I can get laid?
James (28), London & Berlin
Before PrEP you were probably having loads of sex and stressing like crazy and now that you can enjoy sex without fear of HIV you’ve become a nun. What’s that about? Please ditch the self-torture and focus on popping that blue pill.
PrEP is bringing about a sexual revolution. Embrace it. In terms of getting more action: you should up your game and ‘research’ in places which you probably wouldn’t have gone to before for fear that everyone was only into bareback.
Also you live between London and Berlin — there’s an infinite amount of cms/inches to enjoy.
*PrEP means Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis. It is a new prevention method in which people who do not have an HIV infection take a pill daily to reduce their risk of becoming infected. Read more about it here.
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