On The Couch With DADDY Manny – Pride, Muscle Mania, Douchey Bosses and Babies
Looking for #shade-free answers to real life issues?
Email Dr Manny — because life sucks without love, sex and attention: firstname.lastname@example.org
Dear Dr DADDY,
My group of friends have really got into muscle – I find it so boring as all they do is talk about protein diets (eating 20 sorts of meat from breakfast to midnight) and quoting their personal trainer every five minutes. I was hoping this would be a phase, but eight months later … I feel that I’m losing my friends to muscle.
There are worse things to lose your friends to than muscle. I would only start complaining when you’re excluded from muscle only events 😉
Dear Dr DADDY,
I’ve been really unhappy at work for the last year. I like my actual job, but my manager is a bitch from hell. She’s always putting me down even though I deliver and clients seem to like my work. I hit rock bottom last week when she invited me to participate in a free photoshoot for a client, but when I got there her and the client said it “would be too weird to have two black women”, so they told me to go back to the office.
She’s got me so down that I feel sick when I wake up before work, sick when I’m there. I can’t even look at job offers as I get too emotional. I’m so angry. The only positive thing in my life is my partner, who is really supportive – but I’m scared he’s growing tired of me.
I just want to feel like the old me again, any ideas?
At DADDY we condemn all forms of bullying and racism. Your manager sounds like a text-book case nasty ignorant, racist, work bully. Nobody should make you feel like what you have described. You have every right to be angry. Please ask yourself, who has the problem? Yourself who likes a job that you are good at or your insecure manager who isn’t doing her job properly (key to good management is bringing the best out of your staff). Your self-confidence at this early stage of your career is too precious to lose. Consider the following options:
1) Speak to someone above your manager about the situation, but make sure you have a detailed when/where/how list of all the things she’s done/said. It might improve the situation or could make it worse.
2) Design an exit strategy – start researching for jobs and don’t be scared to apply even if you think you don’t have enough experience or you’re not the right fit.
Remember: She’s the one with the problem, not you, so please start firing out that CV. Just think how satisfying it will be to write your resignation letter.
Dear Dr DADDY,
I’m 34 and want to be a mum. I’m ready for it. My mum had me quite late and i always promised myself I would be a young mum. My boyfriend doesn’t get this and says he’s not against being a dad in the future, but isn’t ready for it now. We have been together six years and it’s now making me question, what did I see in this selfish w*****r.
Since when does a woman need to ask permission from a man to get pregnant?
On a serious note, wanting a child can be very stressful and can make you lose perspective of what you are clearly feeling.
You obviously love your partner, which is why you have been with him for six years. Wanting a child is as legitimate as not wanting it. Some people are never ready for parenthood – they just don’t feel it. That doesn’t mean that when they become a parent, they won’t enjoy it or be good at it. Be patient and explain to him why this is important to you. If he doesn’t come round, then you will have to make a choice. Sad thing is that leaving your partner or even trying with him doesn’t guarantee getting pregnant.
Dear Dr DADDY,
My friends have booked me into a “European Pride Tour” (Paris, Madrid, Berlin & Amsterdam), but as a gay man I don’t feel pride is a political event. After doing it so many years, it actually feels like a commercial, soulless event. Am I just being a cynical queen?
Pride is about being yourself and not some tag-along to a party. For some it’s an excuse to party the weekend away while for others it’s a day to vindicate who they are in society and to reflect on the struggles they have had overcome.
Pride is always going to be political for unfortunately there are always groups, individuals who don’t like what it stands for.
The Orlando attack, Trump administration and Chechen gay concentration camps are a constant reminder of how precarious the situation of LGBTQI people is and how more than ever we need to be louder and prouder than ever – no matter if that happens at the European Pride tour or at your local gay bar.
Image by: Coco