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DR DADDY: ON THE COUCH WITH DADDY MANNY — FROM LATE NIGHT SEXTING TO HOUSING BUBBLES

 

Looking for #shade-free answers to real life issues?

Email Dr Manny — because life sucks without love, sex and attention: drmanny@daddy.land 

 

 

Dear Dr DADDY,

I feel like a failure. I promised myself I would own a flat by the time I’m 30. I was priced out of East London, so I moved to Kreuzkölln, but now after two years of intense saving, I’ve realised I can’t afford to buy here either. It’s really frustrating, as this was something I really wanted to achieve. Sadly, my friends don’t understand why getting on the property ladder is so important to me and just think I’m contributing to housing bubbles.

Candy, 30

 

Dearest Child,

Discussing home ownership with friends can be awkward, as it stirs up a lot of emotions. The debate has become toxic due to people treating housing as a commodity and treating buying property as contributing to gentrification which has destroyed many working class communities. It’s also frustrating for people who make sacrifices in order to save up enough money for a deposit and when they think they’re close to finally making it onto the first rung of the property ladder are slapped down by the cruel reality of housing prices.

Failure is for those who give up on their dream, so just explore some possible options like:

a) hop on an S-bahn and explore other parts of Berlin (yes, Berlin is more than Kreuzkölln)

b) get on the Lisbon/Athens-the-new-Berlin-bandwagon

c) become a new age traveller by a buying a canal boat – that way you can live in on the Landwehr Canal, Regent’s Canal or wherever.

Or get on your knees and pray that Brexit increases the value of your saved up € so you can sweep up a true gem in east London.

Kiss

 

 

Dear Dr DADDY,

Deep inside I know I’m more bottom but everyone treats me like a top. I’m a really tall man, but how much does height have to do in dictating my sexual role?

Markus, 31.

 

Dearest Child,

Stop managing people’s sexual expectations and learn to manage your own.

If you want to get fucked, just communicate it either verbally or through body language. The key is to visualise what you want and not to give in.

Promise me this: make 2017 about you and your anus.

Kiss

 

 

Dear Dr DADDY,

I love partying and taking drugs but I feel I need a change. I’m tired/bored of taking the same old shit… I would like to do more G and try Tina (crystal meth) but my friends would judge me and my boyfriend would worry too much about me… What would you recommend?

Patrick, 33

 

Dearest Child,

There is change and there is change. G and Tina (Crystal Meph) form part of the GMTV (GhB Mephedrone Tina Viagra) gay sex party menu, which is becoming more mainstream across Europe. Looking at the effect it has on people (think of poor Britney), this doesn’t seem like a positive new year’s resolution.

If you’re an image conscious clubber, then G&T is probably not the best choice, as getting caught with G will most likely get you barred from most clubs in Berlin and let’s face it – overdosing on G isn’t pretty and Tina isn’t exactly known for turning people into social butterflies.

If you’re looking to spend endless days trying to get hard, not sleeping and losing track of what day it is, then maybe it is for you. 

Why not hibernate this winter and use all that energy you save for conventional partying in the long Berlin spring and summer?

#decisions

Kiss

 

 

Dear Dr DADDY,

I love my girlfriend but she’s really stressful to party with. I always have more fun when I party without her. The problem is we have loads of friends in common and like the same type of music and clubs. What should I do?

Sami, 24

 

Dearest Child,

Partying with partners can be challenging, as you’re always having to manage your desires and their insecurities and that constant voice at the back of your head (“don’t fuck it up, don’t fuck it up”).

You and your girlfriend are not joined at the hip so just do the ultimate party trick! (Lose her in the club.)

Kiss

 

 

Dear Dr DADDY,

I keep on going out, coming back home drunk and spending ages on WhatsApp, dating apps, sending sexy messages to my contacts that I want to meet them and do this and that. Then I wake up in the morning and I’m like: WTF have I done? I spend days full of regret and then I do the same thing again. What’s wrong with me?

Dom, 27

 

Dear Child,

Sounds like you have got yourself into a neat sexting routine.

Let’s be honest, sexting is fun way of wanking and an easy way to get off on fantasies which you normally wouldn’t do face to face due to fear or shame. However, like porn it can become addictive as it can distort your sexuality (i.e. you think sex should be like you fantasise as opposed to the real thing). 

If you think it’s a problem then maybe get rid of the smartphone and go back to basics for a while. If that doesn’t work and you still think it’s a problem then I would contact sexters-anonymous (yes, it actually does exist).

Kiss

 

 

Dear Dr DADDY,

I’m worried that my relationship isn’t passionate enough. I’ve been with my girlfriend for over two years and we are in love but sometimes it feels transactional. Weirdly, my previous relationship felt more passionate, but she was a nightmare. How can I get more passion in my life?

Dylan, 25

 

Dearest Child,

Definitely don’t ask your partner for it. That would be the ultimate passion killer.

Kiss

 

 

Written by: DADDY Manny

Image by: Coco

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