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ON THE COUCH WITH DADDY MANNY — CRUISING ADDICTS, SNAX, AGEISM AND NEWS FATIGUE

 

Looking for #shade-free answers to real life issues?

Email Dr Manny — because life sucks without love, sex and attention: drmanny@daddy.land 

 

 

Dear Dr DADDY,

I’ve been shagging this guy on and off for a year. It’s been mega casual but intense. From the beginning he told me that he’s not the dating type. I really like him. I don’t know what to do as I know he’s going to say he’s not looking for a girlfriend.

Anna, 26

 

Dearest Child,

Don’t be ashamed of your feelings or scared of rejection. If you like him, tell him. It’s not every day you meet someone who you have strong feelings for. My only reservation is: please be sure that your connection is more than just a sexual one. Sadly, some of the best fuck buddies don’t translate into passable dating or even showing-them-off-to-your-friends material.

Kiss

 

 

Dear Dr DADDY,

It has taken me years to fully accept that I have a cruising addiction. In the past I’ve tried to reform myself through strictly monogamous relationships or even abstaining from using public toilet facilities, but thankfully I’ve now come to embrace who I really am. In other words, I’ve shed any moral hang ups and enjoy a fairly liberated sex life. However, I’m a little concerned that with almost two decades of cruising under my belt it’s become difficult for me to decipher whether I’m genuinely enjoying the experience, or if I’m just habitually putting myself in dangerous situations that I am rarely satisfied by.

In short, I feel cruising has become more of a compulsion and less of a thrill. It consumes so much of my time that I get easily distracted from everyday tasks such as shopping or meeting friends; instead I find myself hanging around urinals all day with my only respite being snack breaks at Pret… Please help!

Anonymous, 34

 

Dear Child,

It is commendable that you recognise your ‘cruising addiction’, but are you crying for help or asking for a seal of approval? On the one hand it seems you’re fed up by it taking up so much of your time, but on the other hand you’re unsure as to whether you’re actually enjoying the experience. Cruising, like a lot of public sexual acts, is all about the experience. So what gets you hooked is the ‘thrill’ as opposed to the quality of the sexual act. From what you’ve said it seems that you are a pro – so my only suggestion is that you avoid getting yourself into dangerous situations. Unfortunately gay men have to be careful. Not everybody is up for them hogging public urinals and getting their bits out. On the positive side, it’s great that you’re taking time to snack on other things beyond cocks. After all, you need to have energy to keep that sexual appetite at its peak.      

Kiss

 

 

Dear Dr DADDY,

As I reach my 40s, living in London especially, I feel that I don’t fit anywhere. I don’t want to be that middle-aged person, yet I have little patience with the young. I have really diverse friends (of all ages and sexualities) and I wish society could be as open and accepting of people as I am — sometimes I feel like the one acceptable prejudice that still exists in our seemingly liberal society is dismissing over-40s as irrelevant and outdated, especially when they’re female. Can you help?

Salma, 39

 

Dearest  Child,

You’re right. Although it has got better there is still a lot of prejudice against anyone over 40 [Madonna-bashing is testament to this]. Women over a certain age still have to justify their attire, relationship status and the age of their partners. Growing older can feel isolating, as you realises that you don’t have that certain social mobility which youth gives and young people use to their advantage, and you have to start justifying your attire, biological and relationship status – and if you do have a younger man, get ready to deal with all the mean looks.

As a woman edging ever closer to her 40s, don’t let yourself be pressured to change who you are and change what you like doing. Be confident in who you are – shape society as opposed to letting it force you into becoming something you are not.    

In an age where young people can barely afford to leave their parents’ house (especially in London) maybe it’s the golden age of the 40+. Enjoy it! <3

Kiss

 

 

Dear Dr DADDY,

I don’t know whether I should go to SNAX this Easter at Berghain. I always go with my best friend, but my boyfriend doesn’t want me to go as he says I can’t be trusted.

Fabrizio, 31

 

Dear Child,

Tell him the theme this year is ‘control freak’ — he’ll definitely fit in.

Kiss

 

 

Dear Dr DADDY,

I’m dreading Easter already, as my girlfriend will probably force me to go to her parents’ (who I don’t like) for Sunday lunch. I resent going as I’m not close to my own family, so don’t see why I should be expected to go. I’ve told her this so many times but she just implies I don’t understand the importance of family and makes me feel like a bad boyfriend. Am I being unreasonable?

Paul, 24

 

Dearest Child,

Family isn’t for everyone. Your girlfriend should respect that. Obviously you should make an effort for special occasions, but if you feel that it is taking over your precious free time, then maybe your girlfriend should find another man who enjoys egg tapping with the in-laws.

Kiss

 

 

Dear Dr DADDY,

I honestly can’t take Trump and Brexit news anymore. My boyfriend is pissed off as I‘ve banned him from putting the news on when I’m at home. The situation is so bad and I can’t afford to wake up in a foul mood for the next four years. Does this make me a bad person?

Daniel, 26

 

Dearest Child,

Listening to depressing news is not the optimum way to start your day. The situation will probably get worse, not better for the next couple of years. So even if you don’t want to listen to the news, please keep yourself informed and channel that anger into something positive.

Now is the not the time to switch off, but to fight and protect the rights that have taken people so long to achieve.

Kiss

 

Written by: DADDY Manny (click to email)

Image by: Coco

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