Conversations Since I began Dating Myself
Me: you’re making me nervous
Me: doesn’t everything make you nervous?
Me: so what
Me: do you want to get ice cream?
Me: I’d love to
Me: here, let me get the door
Me: oh thank you
Me: you look stunning
Me: *blush* stop it
Me: why’re you so weird?
Me: why’re you talking to me?
Me: being sweet
Me: what’s this all about?
Me: it’s your day off, ready to do something fun?
Me: I just want someone who loves me unconditionally every day for the rest of my life
Me: that is utterly ridiculous
Me: you worry too much
Me: no I don’t, why do you think that? what did I say for you to think that? what does that mean anyway? what?
Me: I’ve never been on a hot air balloon
Me: who cares, why are you talking?
Me: how are you?
Me: I’m sick of talking about myself
Me: I’m kind of tired, tomorrow?
Me: hmm idk I’m probably tired tomorrow
Me: very serious all the time
Me: my feet smell like pineapple. here, smell.
Me: it hurts my feelings
Me: does something
Me: ugh what a dork, stop
Me: does something else
Me: OMG you’re the worst
Me: I’m sorry I’ve flirted with all of your friends at some point
Me: me too
Me: I like you
Me [an hour later]: jk I don’t like you, I never liked you, liking you would be fucking stupid
Me: tell me I’m pretty
Me: I’d fuck you