Conversations Since I began Dating Myself


Me: you’re making me nervous
Me: doesn’t everything make you nervous?
Me: so what


Me: do you want to get ice cream?


Me: I’d love to


Me: here, let me get the door


Me: oh thank you


Me: you look stunning


Me: *blush* stop it
Me: why’re you so weird?


Me: why’re you talking to me?
Me: being sweet


Me: what’s this all about?
Me: it’s your day off, ready to do something fun?


Me: no
Me: I just want someone who loves me unconditionally every day for the rest of my life 


Me: that is utterly ridiculous
Me: you worry too much 


Me: no I don’t, why do you think that? what did I say for you to think that? what does that mean anyway? what?
Me: I’ve never been on a hot air balloon 


Me: who cares, why are you talking?
Me: how are you?


Me: I’m sick of talking about myself
Me: I’m kind of tired, tomorrow?


Me: hmm idk I’m probably tired tomorrow
Me: very serious all the time


Me: my feet smell like pineapple. here, smell.
Me: it hurts my feelings 


Me: what?


Me: everything
Me: does something


Me: ugh what a dork, stop


Me: does something else


Me: OMG you’re the worst
Me: I’m sorry I’ve flirted with all of your friends at some point 


Me: me too
Me: I like you 


Me [an hour later]: jk I don’t like you, I never liked you, liking you would be fucking stupid
Me: tell me I’m pretty


Me: I’d fuck you


Written by: Claudia Turner

Image by: Coco