daddymagazine_datingmyself

CONVERSATIONS SINCE I BEGAN DATING MYSELF

 

Me: you’re making me nervous
Me: doesn’t everything make you nervous
Me: so what

 

Me: do you want to get ice cream?

 

Me: I’d love to

 

Me: here, let me get the door

 

Me: oh thank you

 

Me: you look stunning

 

Me: *blush* stop it
Me: why’re you so weird?

 

Me: why’re you talking to me?
Me: being sweet

 

Me: what’s this all about?
Me: it’s your day off, ready to do something fun?

 

Me: no
Me: I just want someone who loves me unconditionally every day for the rest of my life 

 

Me: that is utterly ridiculous
Me: you worry too much 

 

Me: no I don’t, why do you think that? what did I say for you to think that? what does that mean anyway? what?
Me: I’ve never been on a hot air balloon 

 

Me: who cares, why are you talking?
Me: how are you?

 

Me: I’m sick of talking about myself
Me: I’m kind of tired, tomorrow?

 

Me: hmm idk I’m probably tired tomorrow
Me: very serious all the time

 

Me: my feet smell like pineapple. here, smell.
Me: it hurts my feelings 

 

Me: what?

 

Me: everything
Me: does something

 

Me: ugh what a dork, stop

 

Me: does something else

 

Me: OMG you’re the worst
Me: I’m sorry I’ve flirted with all of your friends at some point 

 

Me: me too
Me: I like you 

 

Me [an hour later]: jk I don’t like you, I never liked you, liking you would be fucking stupid
Me: tell me I’m pretty

 

Me: I’d fuck you

 

Written by: Claudia Turner

Image by: Coco

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