ARE YOU DATING SOMEONE WITH JUNGLE FEVER?
How can you ever be sure if the person you’ve just met is attracted to your magnetic personality, your brilliant wit and irresistible charisma or if they just want to bone you badly because they’ve caught jungle fever? How can you ever be sure about their intentions? You can’t. But you can watch out for the following warning signs:
1. He’s very very excited to be around you and your friends of colour
In fact, he’s so excited that his eyes are beaming like headlights. Now, of course you’re a Nubian goddess who deserves undivided attention and worship at all times and he can’t help being drawn to you like a moth to a lightbulb – but if you wake up to his creepy smile morning after morning he should be put on the watch list.
2. His favourite travel destination? The entire African continent & the Caribbean
He’s been to South Africa, Zimbabwe, Kenya, Angola, Cameroon, Côte d’Ivoire, Sierra Leone, Mali, Morocco, Trinidad, Haiti and Jamaica. Travelling to politically stable countries with a majority white population is something that does not appeal to him and it makes him a little sad not to live in such a country right now – but he’s already working on an escape plan.
3. He only speaks English to you
Even though both of you speak fluent German and his English is rubbish. For the sake of practising, you just go with it. What really disappoints him though is the fact that you don’t speak any tribal languages, since he’s fluent in Xhosa, Sotho, Swahili, Yoruba, Igbo and Fulani. Bummer!
4. He’s way better at cooking African dishes than your family is
In fact, he’s been giving East and West African cooking classes at the local community college.
5. He’s instantly on a bro basis with your friends and family
Yo, sup fam?
6. In fact, most of his friends are black
He never even noticed, because he looks past people’s skin colour.
7. He studied African studies and has the number 46664 tattooed on his right arm. Nelson Mandela’s face is on the left one.
Better than a swastika, right? Still, if several of the warning signs apply then run! Run run run!!!
Written by: Kemi
Images: Jungle Fever; Universal Pictures (2)